Zakat, A Bridge of Islam

Zakat, A Bridge of Islam

رُوِيَ عَنِ النَّبِي أَنَّهُ قَالَ: أَلزَّكَاةُ قَنْطَرَةُ الإِسْلاَمِ، فَمَنْ أَدَّاهَا جَازَ الْقَنْطَرَةَ وَمَنْ مَنَعَهَا إِحْتَبَسَ دُوْنَهَا وَهِيَ تُطْفِئُ غَضَبَ الرَّبِّ.

It has been narrated from the Noble Prophet (blessings of Allah be upon him and his family), that he said: “Zakat is the bridge of Islam; so whoever performs it can cross the bridge and whoever withholds it will be detained beneath it. And it (Zakat) extinguishes the anger of the Lord.”
Bihar al-Anwar, Volume 74, Page 405

Surat Al-Fīl (The Elephant) - سورة الفيل

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

105:1

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Have you not considered, [O Muhammad], how your Lord dealt with the companions of the elephant?

105:2

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Did He not make their plan into misguidance?

105:3

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And He sent against them birds in flocks,

105:4

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Striking them with stones of hard clay,

105:5

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And He made them like eaten straw.

Taqwa: Fear of the Almighty

Taqwa: Fear of the Almighty

Bismillahir-Rahma-nir-Raheem

A person once asked the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaiyhi wa sallam), "O Messenger of Allah! Give me some advice." The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wa sallam) replied, "I advise you to fear Allah because it is the head of everything."

This is taqwa--having fear of the Majestic, the All-Mighty, Most High, Most Exalted, the One Creator, the Supreme Power.

Muhammad (sallallahu alaiyhi wa sallam) said, "Have fear of Allah, it is the head of everything." But to have fear of Allah, we must attain God-consciousness, the awareness that Allah is deeply involved in every aspect of our lives, in our every action, in our every thought, in every spoken word. He sees what we do hidden and what we do openly. He sees all that we do, whether it's intentional or unintentional, whether it's an evil, sinful act or a good, rewardful act. He hears all we say, whether we say it to someone's face, to ourselves, behind someone's back, or in our innermost thoughts. He is the Alive, the Eternal and He is closer to us than the vein in our neck (Suratul Qaaf 50:16).

The likeness of one who has the awareness of the reality of Allah's existence in every single act, every single decision, every single word, every single thought is the likeness of a dry, curled up desert plant that receives a drop of moisture, which will make it spread out its leaves and sink its roots and flourish and blossom. Similarly, one who feels Allah in their heart at every breath they take and in every aspect of their lives and in everything they do from the important and profound to the everyday, simple tasks becomes aware of the great thirst, the great dependence and the great joy his or her life had been lacking without this devotion, without this urge to serve. And with it they strive for the pleasure of their Lord, finding fulfillment and happiness.

Taqwa--fear of Allah. There was a time when this actually meant something. There was a time when Umar bin al-Khattaab (radiyallahu anhu) merely said a two-word khutbah. He said, "Ittaqullah!" Fear Allah! And with that he started the Jumu'ah prayer. But today, we are in a situation in which these two words alone will hold no weight as it did at the time of the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wa sallam) and his companions (radiyallahu anhum). There was a time when fearing Allah, the One, the True, was a type of advice in which people did take heed, but today its means absolutely nothing to us. Instead of having fear of He, whose hands hold our very lives, instead of having fear of He who holds our destinies, instead of having fear of He who takes not our eyesight or our hearing or our ability to feel, but gives us thousands of chances daily to turn to Him, who do we fear? We fear our friends, our peer group. We fear them so much that we disobey that same God, who loves us so much that He forgives all our sins if only one tear falls from our eyes onto our cheeks. One tear! We go out with our friends, even our relatives, to make them happy and to fit in. We go to the movies, we go out partying at clubs and pubs committing sins and earning the displeasure of Allah and earning the pleasure of Shaytaan (Satan) for their sake. "Here just have a sip of this. It's not gonna do nothing," or, "Smoke a joint, man. What's wrong with you mama's boy?!?" or, "Come on, baby, just once if you really love me." These phrases might sound familiar to some of us. Instead of realizing that one day, on a day in which there is no doubt, we will be called up one by one to answer for every deed we committed and then either thrown into the Hellfire or welcomed into Paradise, we obey the disbelievers and the hypocrites (Muslims only by name):

"O Prophet! Keep your duty to Allah and obey not the disbelievers and the hypocrites. Verily, Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. And follow that which is inspired to you from your Lord. Verily, Allah is well aquainted with what you do. And put your trust in Allah and Sufficient is Allah as Trustee." (Suratul Ahzaab 33:1-3)


"How do you disbelieve in Allah when He gave you life when you were dead, then He will give you death, then life again, then unto Him you will return?" (Suratul Baqarah 2:28)

Instead of fearing the one who gave us life after we were dead, the One who bestows upon us food to keep our stomachs full, clothes to keep us warm, and houses to protect us, who do we fear? We fear our employers and our teachers. And because of fear of them, we choose not to worship that One, Powerful Lord at our prescribed times. We fear them?!?!? Them, who Allah, Himself created--created them as He created us, the believers, out of the dust of the earth?!? Yet, we fear them, who themselves will have no protects, no friends, no helpers, nor any interceders against Allah on the Day of Resurrection. Imagine, we make the choice not to worship the Lord of Kindness. And, in reality, we fear everything, but we fear not Allah, the Source of all Goodness.

"It is only Shaytaan that suggests to you the fear of his friends and supporters (disbelievers) so fear them not, but fear Me, if you are true believers." (Suratul Ali Imran 3:175)

"Truly, Allah is with those who fear Him, keep their duty to Him, and those who are doers of good for the sake of Allah only." (Suratul Nahl 16:128)

"Whoever fears Allah, Allah will grant him a way out of hardship; and whoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will forgive his sins from him and will enlarge his reward." (Suratut-Talaq 65:2, 5)

"Verily, those who are fearful of Allah are the people who, when an evil thought from Shaytaan comes to them, they remember Allah, and indeed they then see aright." (Suratul A'raaf 7:20)

Once the fear and awareness of Allah dawns on a person, life is never the same. When a person's heart opens up to Allah, it cannot be. The way we view life, how we see life, our ambitions in life, our expectations in life, our goals in life, all change. After this, every aspect of life is seen with a spiritual and Islamic dimension. There is a reason, an aim, a goal to it all, a sense of justice and fulfillment, and a sense of a relationship with one's Creator, the Creator who is deeply involved with every action and thought of our lives.

"It is Allah Who gives life and death and Allah sees well all that you do." (Suratul Ali Imran 3:156)

"Truly my Lord casts (a mantle) of Truth (over His servants), He that has full knowledge of (all) that is hiddenIf I am astray it is only at the loss of my own soul; but if I receive guidance, it is because of the inspirations of my Lord to me; it is He Who hears all things and is ever near." (Suratus-Saba 34:48, 50)

This is why it is also important to realize that Islam is a way of life. It is not just a ritual of prayers, fasting, and feasting. Islam is the true deen, the Deen of Allah, a complete system of life and this life, the Islamic life, is to be lived the way Allah has prescribed it. And it starts with taqwa. Now, taqwa is more than just having fear of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

Umar ibn Abdul Aziz (radiyallahu anhu) narrated: "Taqwa is not fasting during the day and it is not praying during the night and it is not the mixing of the two of them, but taqwa is leaving what Allah has made haram (forbidden) and by doing what Allah has made fard. After one has done this, Allah will provide good things for that person."

Al Hasan (radiyallahu anhu) reported: "The people who have taqwa (called al-muttaqeen) are the people who avoided whatever Allah prohibited and had done whatever Allah ordained."

And this, doing what is permitted and refraining from what is prohibited comes from the fear and awareness of Allah's presence. The means of obtaining taqwa is in our grasp and our ability; it is in our very homes, and it is what our arwah (souls) crave. The means of gaining taqwa, the fear of Allah, which leads to a more nourished and healthy ruh, which leads to a more obedient Muslim, which leads to refraining from all haram, which leads to striving to gain Allah's pleasure, which helps lead us to success, which will lead us to Jannah (Insha Allah) is the remembrance of Allah azzowajal, His dhikr, and it is the recitation of the Holy Qur'an, His very words. This is why the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wa sallam) said, "Fear Allahit is the head of everything."

It is so easy to remember Allah and to glorify and praise Him, especially once we've reached this step. For example, when we are standing in line at the grocery store with all our goods--breads, cereals, drinks, sweets, nourishments, we should do tasbih--Subhannallah, Alhumdulillah, Allahu Abkar, and just speak to Allah in your heart and thank Him for His blessings. Simple. Remember Allah, praise Him, wherever you are, whatever you are doing.

Another means of gaining taqwa is the guidance of the Qur'an. Its greatness and its power, is only known to those who experience it and receive its guidance. Its words have the dynamic power that no other words could ever possess. It contains the very words of Allah. Imagine: holding the very sacred, holy, divine words of the only Supreme Being, the Only One worthy of being worshipped. What a blessing! We must keep a habit of reciting the Qur'an, even if it is just a few verses before heading to work or school, or if we cannot even do that, even listening to the tilawah, the recitation, of the Holy Book in the car is, itself, a beautiful experience. The words of the Qur'an are so powerful, it could make every hair on our bodies stand to the fear of Allah.

"Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest." (Suratur-Ra'd 13:28)

The observance of salah, the one most important act of worship, in the eyes of Allah, is another means of gaining taqwa and closeness to Allah, if offered properly and regularly. It is the first thing we will be questioned about on the Day of Judgement. It is also one of the good deeds that will protect one from the torment of the grave. Salah is the heart of Islam and it is the heart of faith (iman). It saves us from evil and helps us lead a pure life. It expresses our gratitude to Allah for His mercy and His kindness. By our salah, we not only glorify and worship the Creator of all that is in the heavens and all that is in the earth, but we seek His forgiveness through it. It is blessed and we are blessed to receive a type of worship that has the power to absolve us of our sins if offered regularly, properly, and sincerely.

To be included among the muttaqeen, those who have taqwa, we must refrain from all forbidden acts, all forbidden words, thoughts, feelings, and emotions, all forbidden celebrations and gatherings, which are places of fitna; we must refrain from those who practice and do what is forbidden and displeased by Allah and stick with the pious and righteous, who will help us make a habit of doing what is good and pleasing to Allah and help us refrain from what is sinful and displeasing to Allah.

In conclusion, from what Allah and His Messenger (sallallahu alaiyhi wa sallam) has outlined for us, we can see that a person who possesses taqwa is not one who lives an isolated life, only praying and fasting and maintaining good character alone. Instead, the muttaqeen are those who fear Allah and look to what Allah has ordained in the carrying out of his actions to avoid His displeasure and anger. These are they who are involved with the strengthening of the Ummah, active in his or her life concerned with the affairs of the Muslims while, at the same time, keeping their duty to their Lord--praying, fasting, spending in Allah's cause, having good morals, behaviors, and characteristics. This is why the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wa sallam) said fearing Allah is the head of everything. Without this, life is just life, the daily grind, a gradual process from life to death, but with the blessing of Islam, we could make our lives more than just life, more than just the daily grind, more than just a gradual process from life to death, by the guidance of the Most Glorious Book, the Holy Qur'an and by the Sunnah, the sayings and teachings of Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaiyhi wa sallam).

The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wa sallam) said, "The most common reason for people to enter Jannah is taqwa and good manners and the most common reason for people to enter the Hellfire is the mouth and the private part!" In his last khutbah, the Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wa sallam) said, "I ask you to fear Him, listen to Him, and obey."

"Truly, the muttaqeen will be amidst Gardens and water springs (Paradise)."
(Suratul Hijr 15:45)

May the Turner of hearts, turn our hearts towards His obedience. May He give us the towfique to change in order to fear and obey Him. Our Lord! Make us submissive to You and of our seed a nation submissive to You and show us our ways of worship and relent towards us, Lo! You, only You are the Relenting the Merciful (2:128). Our Lord! Cause not our hearts to go astray after You have guided us and bestow upon us mercy from Your presence. Lo! You, only You, are the Bestower. Our Lord! It is You, Who gathers mankind together on a Day in which there is no doubt (3:8-9). Our Lord! Lo! We believe; so forgive us our sins and guard us from the punishment of the fire (3:16)! Ameen. Alhumdulillahi Rabbil Alameen. 

Sharing the Message of Karbala with Children

As many communities prepare to commemorate the life of Imam Hussain (as),  many questions are being asked by those in positions of power. Who will the speakers be? Where will programs be held? However, while focusing on such details, we are often  neglecting how topics such as Ashura, the battle of Karbala and its message, and the life of Imam Hussain (as) are portrayed to young children. Instead of focusing on the reason Imam Hussain (as) rose against injustice, many Islamic schools and speakers fill children’s minds with images of violence and destruction that do not promote religious understanding and competence for young Muslims.

Images of Violence

It never ceases to amaze me the extent of graphic details Islamic school curriculums, teachers, and speakers provide children when discussing Karbala. Yes, it was a battle and yes it was a tragedy beyond words. However, such violent and graphic details are socially and developmentally inappropriate. Many children struggle to understand topics such as death, loss, and grief. When Islamic school teachers decide to focus on the explicit details of how Ali al-Asghar or Imam Abbas (as) were killed, it can be difficult for children to overcome. You can definitely get the message across that Yazeed and Bani Ummayah were the lowest of the low and enemies of God without describing to a child in graphic details the murder of another child.

Are We Reducing Imam Hussain (as)?

Karbala wasn’t the end of Imam Hussain’s story. Yes it was significant in the history of our religion and without it; the pillars of Islam would have been destroyed. However, the impetus is on us to teach children about the kindness, morality, piety, and grace of Imam Hussain (as). Our children today, more than ever, lack role models and heroes. Do not reduce Imam Hussain (as) to an oppressed victim. He was not a victim. He was a man of principles and morals that refused to back down in the face of great injustice. These are messages that are universal and something that children can carry on with them for the rest of their lives. However, if we continue to focus on details that are unnecessary for children to know because it fits the age-old narrative about Karbala, we will be shortchanging our children and the Imam himself.

Investing in Children’s Understanding

There is a wide-reaching need for our children to be educated about Karbala, AhlulBayt (as), and general topics about Islam. In fact, many of the challenges our youth face in their adolescent years and early adulthood can be minimized if our communities put in place systems and consistent initiatives for children about Islam. Unfortunately, there is a subconscious effort in our communities to water down the need for proper Islamic education for children. When programs do exist, they are typically planned by those with little background in pedagogy, child development, and accurate Islamic facts and information.  It is rare to come across individuals who have a background in all three categories and when they do exist, they rarely are the decision makers in programs.  As a professional developer for Islamic schools, I can safely say, the most effective programs are not those with the most money. At the end of the day, we need programs that are consistent, well thought out, and run by qualified individuals.

Tips for Teaching about Karbala to Children

Families, schools, and centers can take the lead this year and transform the way we teach children about Imam Hussain (as) and the events of Karbala from something dark and violent to a message of hope, perseverance, and faith in God. Here are some ideas:

• Focus on character: teach children about the many great qualities of Imam Hussain (as) and his companions so that children can understand why we mourn their martyrdom and disassociate with their enemies. A good resource is Akhlaq Aimma.
• Move away from graphic details:  children do not understand topics of death and tragedy as an adult would.  It suffices to share with them that Imam Hussain (as) went to battle to save Islam and he was martyred in the way of God.  It is also necessary to review current curriculum to see how many details are provided. There is no harm in skipping certain portions that might be too violent for children.
• Be mindful of speakers: as much as speakers are knowledgeable about Islam, some continue to lack the understanding of how much (or little) to say in front of children when discussing Ashura.  Children often walk away from lectures with questions such as “why were children killed at Karbala?” They may also wonder why such a tragic event happened to such good people such as AhlulBayt (as). It’s important to have age appropriate answers prepared for children as they learn more about the events of Karbala otherwise they may come to their own conclusions which may or may not be positive images of Islam as a whole.
• Get involved: there are many great initiatives such as passing out water bottles during Ashura or completing volunteer work. These are great ways for children and teens to honor Imam Hussain (as) and establishing a practical life connection to an event that may not seem relevant to a young child otherwise.
• Don’t force the tears: please do teach children the proper manners of mourning and how to behave at a service or program honoring Imam Hussain (as). However, don’t be surprised if children don’t join in when others begin to shed tears. Often we see children being scolded for not crying or becoming upset during Majalis. These actions by adult can isolate children from Islam and Islamic gatherings because they feel the need to imitate feelings they are not experiencing. Younger children should ideally have a separate setting where the topic can be discussed in an age appropriate manner, however, if they are with the adults, please be mindful of them. We are after all, growing the next generation of Muslims and they have many rights too

Marrying the Person

Ways to Avoid Marrying the Wrong Person

There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone for marriage.  The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement and nuance of a budding relationship and in the process completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility.  One of the biggest mistakes that many young Muslims make is rushing into marriage without properly and thoroughly getting to know someone.  A common myth is that the duration of a courtship is an accurate enough measure of how compatible two people are.  The logic follows that the longer you speak with someone, the better you will know them.  The problem with that premise is that no consideration is given to how that time is spent. Increasingly, young Muslim couples are engaging in “halal dating,” which is basically socializing with each other in the company of friends and/or family. This includes going out to dinner, watching a movie, playing some sport or other leisure activity, etc.  Depending on the family or culture, conversations are either minimal & chaperoned or worse, unrestricted and unsupervised. When you consider these  limitations it makes one wonder when exactly, if ever at all, would the critical conversations take place?  Unfortunately, for many, the answer is never and they live to suffer the consequences.  If you or someone you know is in the “getting to know someone” phase,  the following guide offers advice on exactly what to look for and avoid:

1) Do Not Marry Potential:  Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change.  This is the wrong approach on both accounts.  Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential.  There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them.  These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.

2) Choose Character over Chemistry:  While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love” should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love.  The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Here’s a breakdown of each trait:

• Humility: The humble person never makes demands of people but rather always does right by them. They put their values and principles above convenience and comfort.  They are slow to anger, are modest, and avoid materialism.
• Kindness: The kind person is the quintessential giver. They seek to please and minimize the pain of others. To know if a person is a giver, observe how they treat their family, siblings, and parents. Do they have gratitude towards their parents for all that they’ve done for them? If not, then know that they will never appreciate what you do for them. How do they treat people they don’t have to be kind towards (i.e. waiters, sales associates, employees, etc)? How do they spend their money?  How do they deal with anger; their own anger and their reaction to someone else’s anger?
• Responsibility: A responsible person has stability in their finances, relationships, job, and character.  You can you rely on this person and trust what they say.
• Happiness: A happy person is content with their portion in life. They feel good about themselves and good about their life. They focus on what they have rather than on what they don’t have.  They very rarely complain.

3) Do Not Neglect The  Emotional Needs of Your Partner:  Both men and women have emotional needs and in order for a partnership to be successful those needs must be mutually met. The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved.  The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated.  To make a woman feel loved give her the three AAAs:  Attention, Affection, & Appreciation.  To make a man feel loved give him the three RRRs:  Respect, Reassurance, & Relief.  It is the obligation of each partner to make sure the other is happy and this extends to intimacy as well. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the intimate relationship will thrive.  When a man takes seriously the emotional needs of his wife she will feel more encouraged to fulfill his sexual desires. Likewise, when a woman takes seriously the emotional needs of her husband he will feel more encouraged to give her the affection, love and appreciation she wants from him. Working together in this way encourages both giving and receiving.

4) Avoid Opposing Life Plans:  In marriage you can either grow together or grow apart. Sharing a common purpose in life will increase the chance that you will grow together.

• You must know what the person is into. In other words, what are they ultimately passionate about?  Then ask yourself, “Do I respect this passion?” “Do I respect what they are into?”
• The more specifically you define yourself, i.e., your values, your beliefs, your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding your life partner, your soul mate, the one you are most compatible with.
• Remember, before you decide who to take along on a trip, you should first figure out your destination.

5) Avoid Pre-Marital Sexual/Physical Activity:

• Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.
• Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them.
• Intellectual commitment must be established before emotional or sexual commitment.

6) Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection:  There are four questions that you must answer YES to:

• Do I respect and admire this person?  What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
• Do I trust this person?  Can I rely on them?  Do I trust their judgment?  Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
• Do I feel Safe?  Do I feel emotionally safe with this person?  Can I be vulnerable?  Can I be myself?  Can I be open?  Can I express myself?
• Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?

If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married.  If you don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married!

7) Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety: Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage.  Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage.  When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions.  Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship.  If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship.  Look for the following things:

• Controlling behavior: This includes controlling the way you act, the way you think, the way you dress, the way you wear your hair/hijab and the way you spend your time.  Know the difference between suggestions and demands.  Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, than you must do it or there will be consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive personalities.

• Anger issues: This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who is angry, gets angry at you, uses anger against you, uses put downs, and curses at you, etc.  You don’t have to put up with this type of treatment.  Many people who tolerate this behavior usually come from abusive backgrounds.  If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away.  Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married.

Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner:  Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset.  Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?”  It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team.  When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team.  Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds.  How do they handle it?  Are they defensive?  Do they attack?  Do they withdraw?  Do they get annoyed?  Do they blame you?  Do they ignore it?  Do they hide or rationalize it?  Don’t just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!

9) Beware of Avoiding Personal Responsibility: It’s very important to remember no one else is responsible for your happiness. Many people make the mistake of thinking someone else will fulfill them and make their life better and that’s their reason for getting married.  People fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are married.  If you are currently not happy with yourself, don’t like yourself, don’t like the direction your life is going now, it’s important to take responsibility for that now and work on improving those areas of your life before considering marriage.  Don’t bring these issues into your marriage and hope your partner will fix them.

10) Watch Out For Lack of Emotional Health and Availability In Your Potential Partner:  Many people choose partners that are not emotionally healthy or available. One huge problem is when a partner is unable to balance the emotional ties to family members, the marriage ends up having 3 (or more) people in it rather than two. An example of this would be if a man is overly dependent on his mother and brings that relationship into the marriage; this is no doubt a recipe for disaster.  Also important to consider are the following:

• Avoid people who are emotionally empty inside.  These include people who don’t like themselves because they lack the ability to be emotionally available. They are always preoccupied with their deficiencies, insecurities, and negative thoughts.  They are in a perpetual fight with depression, never feel good, are isolated, are critical and judgmental; tend to not have any close friends, and often distrust people or are afraid of them.  Another clear indication about them is they always feel their needs are not getting met; they have a sense of entitlement and feel angry when they feel people should take care of them and they don’t.  They feel burdened by other people’s needs and feel resentment towards them.  These people can not be emotionally available to build healthy relationships.
• Addictions can also limit the level of availability of the partner to build a strong emotional relationship.  Never marry an addict.  Addictions are not limited to drugs and alcohol.  They can be about addictions and dependency on work, internet, hobbies, sports, shopping, money, power, status, materialism, etc.  When someone has an addiction, they will not and can not be emotionally available to develop an intimate relationship with you!

Additional Points to Consider:

1. The fact is no one looks 25 forever.  Ultimately, we love the person we marry for more than their appearance.  When we get to know someone we love and admire, we’ll love them for their inner beauty and overall essence.
2. Once we find someone, we consciously or subconsciously want so badly for it all to work that we decide not to question or see what is clearly in front of our eyes: they were rude to the waiter, speaks ill of others, is rude to you, etc.  We don’t stop to ask, “What does all of this mean about their character?”
3. Never separate someone from their family, background, education, belief system, etc.  Asking clear questions can clarify this.  Ask questions like, “What does it mean to have a simple lifestyle?” “What are your expectations of marriage?”  “How would you help around the house?” Compare your definition with theirs.
4. Be flexible.  Be open-minded!
5. Giving in a happy marriage should not be confused with martyrdom.  It should be about taking pleasure and seeing the other person as happy because of your connection with them.
6. Morality and spirituality are the qualities that truly define someone in addition to beauty, money, and health.  The morally upright and spiritual person will stand by your side during adversity and hardship.  If someone isn’t God-conscience and doesn’t take themselves into account with God then why should you expect them to fulfill their rights owed to you? The ideal partner is someone who considers giving a gain and not causing a loss.  Having a mutual and shared spiritual relationship will foster a successful marriage.  Furthermore, a successful marriage is one that keeps the laws of family purity which require a certain degree of self-control and self-discipline, as well as the belief that the physical side of the relationship includes the spiritual and emotional side as well.  Finding commonality and balance between the spiritual and emotional aspects of a relationship is a strong key to a healthy and thriving marriage.

Surat Quraysh (Quraysh) - سورة قريش

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

106:1

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For the accustomed security of the Quraysh -

106:2

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Their accustomed security [in] the caravan of winter and summer -

106:3

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Let them worship the Lord of this House,

106:4

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Who has fed them, [saving them] from hunger and made them safe, [saving them] from fear.

The Door to Eternal Paradise

ALLAH said in the Quran:

 And give good news (O Muhammad) to those who believe and do good deeds, that they will have gardens (Paradise) in which rivers flow....  (Quran, 2:25)

ALLAH has also said:

 Race one with another for forgiveness from your Lord and for Paradise, whose width is as the width of the heavens and the earth, which has been prepared for those who believe in God and His messengers.... (Quran, 57:21)

The Prophet Muhammad  told us that the lowest in rank among the dwellers of Paradise will have ten times the like of this world,¹ and he or she will have whatever he or she desires and ten times like it.²  Also, the Prophet Muhammad  said: {A space in Paradise equivalent to the size of a foot would be better than the world and what is in it.}³  He also said: {In Paradise there are things which no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no human mind has thought of.}⁴  He also said: {The most miserable man in the world of those meant for Paradise will be dipped once in Paradise.  Then he will be asked, “Son of Adam, did you ever face any misery?  Did you ever experience any hardship?”  So he will say, “No, by God, O Lord!  I never faced any misery, and I never experienced any hardship.”}⁵

If you enter Paradise, you will live a very happy life without sickness, pain, sadness, or death; God will be pleased with you; and you will live there forever.  God has said in the Quran:

 But those who believe and do good deeds, We will admit them to gardens (Paradise) in which rivers flow, lasting in them forever.... (Quran, 4:57)

Surat Al-Mā`ūn (The Small Kindnesses) - سورة الماعون

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

107:1

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Have you seen the one who denies the Recompense?

107:2

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For that is the one who drives away the orphan

107:3

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And does not encourage the feeding of the poor.

107:4

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So woe to those who pray

107:5

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[But] who are heedless of their prayer -

107:6

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Those who make show [of their deeds]

107:7

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And withhold [simple] assistance.